I'm Dating...Ahem, I Mean Querying, Again.
Time to apply the advice I give to my clients.
“Onward and upward,” I texted my client, after a man texted her to say that he didn’t feel a romantic connection. The phrase rings like a church bell. My boss uses it when a client is ghosted, a client is stood up, or a client is rejected. And as the echoes of the phrase filled my client’s inbox yesterday, I heard a lighter chime: a notification alerting me that an agent got back to me about my query. It was my first reply.
“I'm afraid I must pass on this project; while there is much to admire here and your voice is so funny, I'm having to be very selective about the projects I take on…I've really struggled to sell projects that lean heavily on humor and satire...”
Listen, I really respect this agent for telling me why they didn’t request the full (and I’m never going to be upset when someone says I’m funny. I am funny). Often, agents just “swipe left,” offering a copy-and-pasted message reminding authors that “publishing is subjective” or that the “pages didn’t pull me in.” Or, they don’t reply at all. They’re very busy, so I’m not knocking them for that.
But still, I am patiently waiting for that first full request.
Onward and upward, Megan, I thought to myself yesterday. Querying is like sales and sales is like dating. Over the next few months, I’m going to have to take my (technically my boss’s) advice.
For those who are unfamiliar with “querying,” here’s what happens:
A writer writes a book. In my case, a writer writes a funny, LGBTQ+ book club fiction set in the small town of Tombstone, Texas. When the book is ready, a writer begins to “query” literary agents by sending their pitch (or “query letter”) and between 5-50 pages of their manuscript.
If the agent likes what the writer has presented, they’ll ask to read the full manuscript. (This is often called a “full request.”) If they like “the full,” they may offer representation. Only after the offer is made and the contract is signed do most authors begin to think about publication with large publishing houses or small presses.
Suffice it to say, I have a long road ahead of me. But this rejection was a decent place to start.
Why Were You Rejected? Does It Matter? You Don’t Have to Change.
In my day job, I read a lot of profiles and talk to a lot of people about what they are and are not looking for in a partner. Here are some reasons why a person may not want to go on a date with another person:
The person has a cat.
The person has a dog.
The person is playing a guitar.
The person is 5’9”.
The person’s profile contains a photo of them shirtless at the beach.
The person doesn’t have a full-body photo in their profile.
The person lives in a suburb.
The person used a swear word in their profile.
The person was not raised in the South.
These reasons are silly, but more importantly, they are things that a person shouldn’t have to change about themselves. People are can still be attractive, lovable, and worthy, even as a cat owner, a suburbanite, as a guitar player. If you were raised in the North, you may never even know that a person is rejecting you because of your Yankee past. Maybe you’ll never have the closure as to why your date backed out or ultimately decided you weren’t the one for them. Does that mean you are bad? Does that mean you should change? No.
I’m trying to remind myself of this as I dive into querying and brace myself for the icy waters of rejection. Agents may reject a manuscript for any of the following reasons:
The book contains time travel.
The book centers on a person coming out of the closet.
The book contains rats.
The book contains a scene in which “four guys get down.” (That is something actually listed on an agent’s website.)
The book leans into humor and satire.
These are all valid reasons for an individual to reject a book. They’re going to have to read it more than five times in two years - they have to really like it. Does that mean, if a book has these things, it’s bad? No! I’m sure there are great books where four guys get down. Respectfully, please don’t send me recommendations for them. It would be quite the shock after finishing Tom Lake.
Anyway.
I know what to expect over the next few months. I’ve shelved a project that I received a lot of rejections on last year. My book is funny. It’s quirky, it’s queer, and it’s a little strange. The people who love it love it. The people who don’t still like the main character. It’s not perfect, and I know I’ve got a bunch of rejections coming before this book ends up on shelves. But querying is like sales and sales is like dating. It just takes one “yes.”
(Well, until the agent puts the book on submission and we need another “yes” from editors…)