REVIEW: The Traitors US, Season 2, Episode 4
Spoilers Ahead! And although Sandra may think she looks young, Parvati is the real Kiddo.
Well, it looks like Parvati Shallow will not be invited to join an Ultimate Girls Trip any time soon.
The fourth episode of the Traitors was a slow burn up until the final scene. But friends, that final scene was worth the slog.
Spoilers ahead! Spoilers ahead!
We begin by seeing that the night’s murder victim was Ekin-Su. Her murder was chance, not strategy, as time was running out for Parvati to kill in cold blood. The murder was awkward, clunky, and shows why Dan isn’t playing this game as he might think he is. How did he not hear Parvati tell Ekin-Su she could have a sip? Men.
There was another twist the next morning as Ekin-Su joined everyone at breakfast with the rest of the cast. A murder was committed the night before, but the challenge would revolve around guessing who was murdered by the traitors. Everyone suspected MJ, because she’s a bit of a rogue. MJ was not murdered, the players were incorrect, and they don’t win $20,000. Womp womp. Don’t they just get the opportunity to win that $20,000 later? For all the things I like about the show, the challenges to earn up to $250,000 feel silly. Give them the prize pot up front and let the rewards be clues. Or some kind of immunity. Heck, even a sponsored trip to the Charmin Café. Something other than a dollar amount that will likely be won later.
The challenge took up a lot of the episode, and it honestly made me squirm. Forcing Ekin-Su (along with MJ and Parvati) to lie in coffins is not entertaining. There is no way any of them are getting paid enough per episode to simulate that kind of trauma. The whole time, I just felt bad for everyone involved. But that’s why I didn’t go to mortuary school, unlike Phaedra. (Yes, that is something that really happened. The Real Housewives of Atlanta filmed Phaedra attending a mortuary study group, and she has been quoted as saying her mortician business was “booming” during COVID. Now that’s the ultimate Real-Housewives-themed funeral. I have always said I wanted my funeral to be Hawaiian-shirt-themed, but Housewives may be more fun…)
Housewives were at the center of the conversation as the group decided who to banish later that day. The players have split themselves into the Housewives (Larsa, Sheree, Tamra, Phaedra, and MJ) against the “gamers” (CT, Sandra, Janelle, Trishelle). Players like Kevin and John float around in “not-gamer” territory, being swayed by the wind or a door opening too fast, I can only assume. Is Sandra just rallying against the Housewives because she discovered that her and Larsa were the same age? It’s possible. I’ve heard some delulu theories on this show, but the most delulu of all may be Sandra thinking that Larsa looks 12 years older than her. Braces don’t actually make you look younger, Sandra. (I can make that joke, I have adult braces.)
I’m obsessed with Sandra going full Survivor mode, not being concerned with getting a traitor as much as she is keeping her allies, the ones who look their age the gamers. And with her rallying cries, alpha-male CT is protected and Larsa is ultimately eliminated. (For those not in the Housewives universe, Sheree voting for John and admitting she doesn’t think he’s a traitor is all you need to know about Sheree.)
But the banishment isn’t without consequences for the traitors. Before the round table, Parvati and Dan decided they would sacrifice a non-gamer traitor if they needed to. Parvati followed through by pointing fingers at all the housewives (and voting for Larsa) at the round table. Parvati even had the cajones to suggest that the Housewives are given scripts, which is probably true not something you want to say to a Housewife when the cameras are rolling.
Phaedra thrown to the wolves? Clearly, the traitors had never seen Phaedra read Kenya for filth. Phaedra can bite back. Housewives may be “performers,” but that doesn’t stop them from 1) taking things the most personal and 2) making damn good TV while doing it. Parvati thinking she wasn’t going to offend Phaedra was an error uncharacteristic of our Black Widow. As the three traitors take off their hoods and begin their deliberation on who to murder next, Phaedra pulls out the big guns. “No one likes you, Parvati?” I would disagree Phaedra, but I’m here for the drama! Here we go, ladies and gentlemen. The Housewives are activated. We are now at the part in Kill Bill where The Bride takes on the Crazy 88. Will we see Phaedra and Parvati out in the snow, ready to cut the scalps off the other? Does that make Dan the Charlie Brown character at the restaurant? Did I buy my girlfriend a Hattori Hanzo sword for Christmas? Yes, but I’m getting sidetracked. Although this episode wasn’t a jaw-dropping whirlwind from start to finish, it leaves viewers with the promise of some big drama between the Queen of Survivor and the Queen of the Read. Cue the sirens.